Supporting a Colleague
Who Is Struggling
You do not need to be a counsellor to help a colleague. Noticing, asking, listening and knowing where to point them are what matter. This guide draws on Samaritans, NHS, Police Care UK and Home Office guidance, and separates what is good practice from what is a duty.
Independent information, not advice · Sources checked 30 September 2026 · England and Wales unless stated
Notice changes, choose a private moment and ask how they really are, then ask again if the answer does not convince you. Listen rather than fix. If you are worried about suicide, ask directly: Samaritans says asking can protect people. If anyone is in immediate danger, call 999. Point them to confidential help such as the Oscar Kilo crisis line or Samaritans, and look after yourself too.
If you are the one struggling, the services above are for you too, and our support services directory explains what each offers and what stays confidential from your force.
Signs a colleague may be struggling
There is no checklist that tells you what someone is feeling, and some people show very little. What helps is noticing change: someone who is not their usual self.
- Restlessness, anger or tearfulness
- Withdrawing from others, isolating themselves
- Losing interest in things they used to do
- Using alcohol or drugs to cope
- Finding everyday tasks hard
- Feeling hopeless, helpless or trapped
- Changes in sleep or appetite
- Taking risks they would not normally take
- Anxiety and low mood
- Hypervigilance: always on guard
- Nightmares and disturbed sleep
- Drinking more
- Signs of trauma, including indirect trauma from others' experiences or from reviewing material
- Moral injury
Samaritans also lists circumstances that can make things harder: bereavement, relationship problems, money or housing worries, stress at work, bullying, loneliness, physical illness and dependency on alcohol or drugs. In policing, add traumatic incidents, being under investigation or suspended, long sickness absence and the approach of leaving the job. None of these means someone is at risk; they are reasons to check in.
Dark humour, working through it and not wanting to let the team down are common in policing, and they can make it easy to miss that someone is struggling. A colleague who seems fine at work may not be fine at home. If something feels different, trust that and ask.
How to start the conversation
- Choose the moment. Somewhere private, not in front of the team or over the radio, and when neither of you is about to be called away. A walk or a drive can feel less formal than a meeting room.
- Say what you have noticed. Stick to what you have seen, without judgement.
- Ask an open question. The NHS suggests open-ended questions rather than ones that invite a yes or no.
- Ask twice. The Police Federation's AskTwice campaign: if you are not convinced by the first answer, ask again.
- Be ready for either answer. They may open up, or they may not want to talk yet. Both are fine.
- "You've seemed quieter since that job last month. How are you actually doing?"
- "I've noticed you're not yourself lately. I'm not having a go, I just wanted to check in."
- "You said you're fine. I'm asking again because I mean it: how are things really?"
- "You don't have to talk now. I'm around if you want to, on or off shift."
Listen, don't fix
Samaritans' advice for active listening is to avoid offering advice, avoid comparing what the person is going through with your own experiences, and avoid trying to solve their problems. Its SHUSH tips are a simple way to remember how:
The NHS adds that just listening and taking someone seriously can be more helpful than advice. Police officers are trained to take control and solve problems quickly; this is the moment to do the opposite.
Asking directly about suicide
If you are worried someone might be thinking about suicide, ask them directly. Samaritans says evidence shows that asking someone whether they are suicidal can protect them: it gives them permission to say how they feel and shows them they are not a burden. It also says that feeling actively suicidal is often temporary, and that most people who feel suicidal do not want to die; they want the situation or the feeling to stop. Help works.
- Ask clearly. For example: "Are you thinking about suicide?" or "Are you having thoughts of ending your life?" A clear question is easier to answer honestly than a vague one.
- Take the answer seriously. Samaritans says to always take it seriously when someone says they are having suicidal thoughts.
- Stay calm and listen. You do not have to be able to solve their problems. Encourage them to keep talking about how they feel.
- Help them connect to support. The Oscar Kilo Mental Health Crisis Line and Samaritans are open all day and night; their GP or NHS 111 can arrange further help. Offer to be with them while they call.
- Consider a safety plan. Samaritans describes a safety plan as a tool for getting through suicidal feelings: recognising warning signs, things they can do themselves, people and places that help, who to contact, professional services, and ways to make their surroundings safer. It says the person should own each step, and it takes around 20 to 40 minutes.
- Follow up. Check in again the next day and after that.
The Zero Suicide Alliance offers free online suicide awareness training for anyone aged 16 or over, with coached scenarios on how to talk to someone you are worried about. It recommends allowing at least 30 minutes.
If you believe someone is in immediate danger
Samaritans says that if you think someone is in immediate danger, the quickest way to get help is to call an ambulance on 999. The NHS says call 999 or go to A&E if someone's life is at risk or they cannot keep themselves safe, and that a mental health emergency should be taken as seriously as a physical one.
- If it is safe to do so, stay with them until help arrives.
- Do not put yourself at risk.
- If you are at work, tell a supervisor as well, so the force can support both of you.
- Afterwards, get support for yourself. It is a lot to carry.
Sergeants and supervisors: duty, guidance and good practice
Supervisors ask what they are actually required to do. The legal duty of care is owed by the chief officer, and supervisors carry it out through force policy; statutory guidance sets out what that policy should include; and a lot of what helps is simply good practice. The table separates them.
| What | Type | Where it comes from |
|---|---|---|
| Overall duty of care for health, safety and welfare | Law, owed by the chief officer | Health and Safety at Work etc. Act 1974, s2 and s51A. Supervisors carry it out through force policy. |
| Taking reasonable care for others affected by what you do at work | Law, owed by each individual | Health and Safety at Work etc. Act 1974, s7 |
| Reasonable adjustments for a colleague who is disabled | Law, owed by the chief officer | Equality Act 2010, ss20 and 42. Supervisors often agree and implement them. |
| Monitoring workloads and being vigilant for, and supporting, people experiencing stress | Statutory guidance | Home Office statutory guidance, para 5.53 (the force should set out the line manager's role) |
| Making sure people can reach a line manager, HR, OH or a nominated welfare contact | Statutory guidance | Home Office statutory guidance, para 5.52 |
| Keeping in regular contact during sickness absence, with a contact log, guided by the person's preferences | Statutory guidance | Home Office statutory guidance, paras 19.12 and 19.13 |
| Referring to occupational health, with clear questions | Statutory guidance (the manager may refer) | Home Office statutory guidance, paras 19.39 and 19.40 |
| Phased return with a risk assessment | Statutory guidance | Home Office statutory guidance, para 19.15 |
| Reporting or challenging a colleague's conduct that has fallen below the Standards | Professional standard, enforceable through the conduct system | Police (Conduct) Regulations 2020, Schedule 2 |
| A private welfare conversation; asking twice; signposting; checking in after incidents | Good practice | Samaritans; Police Federation AskTwice; Oscar Kilo supervisor resources |
- Meet privately and say why: you have noticed something and want to check in.
- Listen first. Ask what would help at work.
- Agree practical steps you can take now, such as a workload change or time for an appointment.
- Signpost confidential services, not only in-force ones.
- Discuss an occupational health referral with them before making it, and set clear questions for OH.
- Agree how and when you will keep in touch, especially if they go off sick.
- Record what your force policy requires, and nothing more personal than that.
For OH referrals and what happens next, see the occupational health process and telling occupational health about mental health. For the force-level obligations, see what your force should provide.
Confidentiality and its limits
Someone who confides in you is trusting you. Respect that, and ask before you involve anyone else. But be honest about the limits rather than promising total secrecy:
- A risk to life comes first. If you believe they or someone else is in immediate danger, get help, even if they asked you not to. Tell them what you are doing and why.
- Conduct. The Standards of Professional Behaviour in Schedule 2 to the Police (Conduct) Regulations 2020 require officers to report, challenge or take action against colleagues' conduct that has fallen below the Standards. Struggling is not misconduct, but if what you are told reveals misconduct, that standard still applies to you.
- Fitness for duty. The Standards also say officers on duty, or presenting for duty, are fit to carry out their responsibilities. If someone is not safe to be on duty, raise it, ideally with them first.
- Information you hold at work. The confidentiality standard says officers access or disclose information only in the proper course of police duties. Do not discuss a colleague's health with others casually.
Oscar Kilo describes peer support as a confidential process. If you are a trained peer supporter, your force's peer support policy will say what you must pass on.
Supporting someone under investigation or suspended
Home Office statutory guidance recognises that people who are subject to investigation or misconduct proceedings can feel isolated and vulnerable, and can become disengaged from their organisation, social circle and support networks. It says the chief constable's duty of care continues throughout.
Suspension adds to that. The same guidance says a suspended officer ceases to hold the office of constable, except for the purposes of misconduct proceedings and employment law, and remains subject to the Standards of Professional Behaviour. It also says suspension should be the exception and has no bearing on any indication of guilt. Someone who is suspended may suddenly lose their routine, their team and their identity.
- Keep in touch as a colleague or friend. A message that says you are thinking of them can matter.
- Check they have a Federation rep or union rep and know who their welfare contact is.
- Do not discuss the allegations or the evidence, especially if you might be a witness. If you are unsure what contact is appropriate, ask their rep or your supervisor.
- Make sure they know the confidential services, including the crisis line, which remains available to people who leave policing, including those dismissed.
Their rights and the process are explained in police officer under investigation: your rights, suspension and restricted duties and Federation representation and legal support.
Supporting someone after a critical incident
After a traumatic job, the formal response is set by your force's post-incident arrangements. Oscar Kilo's national HEART guidance sets out a structured approach to trauma exposure and recovery, and many forces use TRiM. What should happen, and what to ask for, is covered in post-incident support: TRiM, debriefs and what to ask for.
As a colleague, you can:
- Check in over the following days and weeks, not only at the end of the shift.
- Notice if they are avoiding certain jobs, not sleeping, drinking more or unusually on edge.
- Make sure they know about Police Care UK, which supports people harmed through policing, including by vicarious trauma.
- Include them without pressing them to talk about the incident.
If a colleague has been injured, the practical steps are in injured on duty: what to do step by step.
Supporting a colleague who is off sick
Absence can cut someone off from the team at exactly the wrong time. Home Office statutory guidance asks forces to publish arrangements for keeping in touch with officers absent for extended periods, including offering access to services such as counselling and rehabilitation where appropriate, and says line managers should keep or arrange regular contact, with a nominated person and a contact log (paragraphs 19.11 and 19.12).
The guidance also says contact needs sensitivity: phone calls, letters or force communications can all be used, the balance is between not being intrusive and showing genuine care, and the person's own preferences should guide it. In rare cases, for example where the absence is linked to management issues, the contact may be someone outside the line management chain (19.13 and 19.14).
- Agree early how they want to be contacted and how often.
- Keep the contact log your force requires.
- Offer the services your force provides, not just paperwork reminders.
- Plan any return with OH, including a phased return and risk assessment.
- A short message that asks nothing of them can help them feel remembered.
- Do not ask when they are coming back or why they are off.
- Keep them in social plans if they want to be, without pressure.
- When they return, a normal welcome beats a big fuss.
Pay and process during absence are covered in long-term sickness in policing.
Pointing them to the right help
You do not need to know every service. It helps to know which fits which situation. Phone numbers are in the support box on this page.
| Situation | Where to point them | How you can help |
|---|---|---|
| They are at immediate risk | 999 (ambulance), or A&E | Stay with them if it is safe to do so and wait for help. |
| They are in crisis but not in immediate danger | Oscar Kilo Mental Health Crisis Line or Samaritans, any time | Offer to sit with them while they call, or to make the call together. |
| They need urgent NHS help | NHS 111, mental health option (in Wales, option 2) | Help them find a quiet place and a phone. |
| They have been struggling for a while | Their GP; NHS Talking Therapies (self-referral in England) | Offer practical help, such as finding the self-referral page. |
| Policing has harmed them | Police Care UK; your force's post-incident support | Point them to the self-referral page; applying is their choice. |
| Their health is affecting work | Occupational health; their Federation rep or union | If you are their supervisor, talk to them before any referral. |
| They want to talk to a colleague | Force peer supporters or wellbeing team | Ask your wellbeing team or intranet who the peer supporters are. |
The full list, with who can use each service and what each says about confidentiality, is in the support services directory.
What not to say or do
Based on Samaritans' listening advice and the myths it corrects, these are the things most likely to close a conversation down:
- Minimising. "Everyone's stressed", "you'll be fine", "it's part of the job".
- Fixing too fast. Jumping to solutions before they have finished talking.
- Making it about you. "When that happened to me..." can wait.
- Judging. Suggesting they are weak, attention seeking or not cut out for the job. Samaritans notes that people who die by suicide have often told someone they did not feel life was worth living.
- Promising secrecy you cannot keep. See the limits above.
- Talking about them. In the canteen, the group chat or the briefing room.
- Dropping it. One conversation is a start. Follow up.
Looking after yourself as the supporter
Samaritans says it is important to make sure you are okay too. Its advice for people supporting someone with suicidal thoughts:
- Give yourself time to rest and process what has happened.
- Set boundaries. It is acceptable to step back or tell them you will not be available for a period.
- Get your own support. You can call Samaritans, and the Oscar Kilo crisis line is for you as well as for them.
- Help them build a wider network of friends, family and professionals, so you are not their only support.
Your peer supporters, supervisor, Federation rep or union rep can also help you work out what to do next.
What people get wrong
- "Asking about suicide will put the idea in their head." Samaritans says evidence shows asking can protect people.
- "People who talk about it won't act on it." Samaritans says people who die by suicide have often told someone they did not feel life was worth living. Always take it seriously.
- "I need training before I can help." Samaritans says the fact that you care is what matters. Training helps, but it is not a precondition.
- "It's the sergeant's job, not mine." Supervisors have a formal role, but colleagues often notice first.
- "Getting them help will end their career." Independent services such as Samaritans, the crisis line and Police Care UK are separate from the force.
- "If they say they're fine, they're fine." That is why the Federation's campaign says ask twice.
What we could not verify
- Mind's guidance. Mind's pages blocked our checks, so this page does not rely on them.
- The "ACT" or "ask, listen" model. We could not verify a current Samaritans or Mind source for a model by that name, so we have used Samaritans' SHUSH tips and its guidance on asking directly instead.
- Zero Suicide Alliance course content. We read the course description, not the course itself.
- Your force's policies. Welfare contact, peer support and post-incident arrangements differ by force; check your intranet or ask your wellbeing team.
- Crisis line confidentiality where life is at risk. Oscar Kilo describes the line as fully confidential; we did not find a statement on what happens in an immediate emergency.
Frequently Asked Questions
What are the signs a police officer is struggling?
Samaritans lists changes such as restlessness, anger or tearfulness, withdrawing from others, losing interest in usual activities, using alcohol or drugs to cope, finding daily tasks hard, feeling hopeless or trapped, changes in sleep or appetite and taking risks. Police Care UK adds signs linked to policing harm, including hypervigilance, nightmares and sleep disturbance. The most useful sign is a change from how that person usually is.
How do I start a conversation with a colleague I am worried about?
Pick a private moment, say what you have noticed without judgement, and ask an open question such as how they are really doing. The Police Federation's AskTwice campaign suggests that if you are not convinced by the first answer, ask again. Samaritans' SHUSH tips are: show you care, have patience, use open questions, say it back and have courage.
Is it safe to ask someone directly if they are thinking about suicide?
Samaritans says evidence shows asking someone if they are suicidal could protect them: it gives them permission to say how they feel and shows they are not a burden. Ask clearly, for example 'Are you thinking about suicide?', take the answer seriously, and help them get support. You do not have to solve their problems.
What should I do if a colleague is in immediate danger?
Samaritans says the quickest way to get help for someone in immediate danger is to call an ambulance on 999. The NHS says call 999 or go to A&E if someone's life is at risk. If it is safe, stay with them until help arrives. Do not put yourself at risk.
What are a police sergeant's duties when an officer is struggling?
The legal duty of care sits with the chief officer and is carried out through force policy. Home Office statutory guidance says forces should set out the line manager's welfare role, including monitoring workloads and being vigilant and supportive where people are stressed, keeping regular contact during sickness absence and referring to occupational health where appropriate. The detail is in your force's policies.
Should I keep what a colleague tells me confidential?
Usually, yes: respect their privacy and ask before involving anyone else. The limits are a risk to their life or someone else's, when getting help comes first, and conduct that has fallen below the Standards of Professional Behaviour, which officers must report, challenge or act on under the Police (Conduct) Regulations 2020. Be honest with them about those limits rather than promising total secrecy.
How can I support a colleague who is under investigation or suspended?
Keep in touch as a colleague or friend, and check they have a Federation rep or union rep and a welfare contact. Home Office guidance recognises that people under investigation can feel isolated. Avoid discussing the allegations or evidence, especially if you could be a witness, and ask their rep if you are unsure what contact is appropriate.
How do I support a colleague after a critical incident?
Check in, including in the days and weeks after, not only on the day. Make sure they know about your force's post-incident support and TRiM process and about Police Care UK, which supports people harmed through policing. Our guide to post-incident support covers what should happen.
What should I not say to a struggling colleague?
Samaritans' guidance is to listen rather than offer advice, compare their experience with your own or try to solve their problems. In practice that means avoiding phrases that dismiss or minimise, promises you cannot keep, and discussing them with others without their agreement.
Where can I get training on suicide prevention conversations?
The Zero Suicide Alliance offers free online suicide awareness training for anyone aged 16 or over, and recommends allowing at least 30 minutes. Oscar Kilo lists online learning for supervisors and peer debriefing. Your force may also offer mental health or peer support training.
What if my colleague does not want to talk?
Respect that, and leave the door open. Samaritans' SHUSH tips include having patience: it can take time and more than one attempt. Let them know you have noticed and that you are around, and make sure they know where confidential help is, such as the crisis line or Samaritans.
Who supports me while I am supporting someone else?
Samaritans says it is important to make sure you are okay too: rest, set boundaries, get your own support and help the person build a wider network rather than relying only on you. The Oscar Kilo crisis line, Samaritans, peer supporters and your Federation or union are there for you as well.
Sources and how we checked them
Every factual claim on this page was written from the sources below, read on 30 September 2026. Rules and figures change, so check the source for the date you are reading this. Where we could not confirm something from an official or independent source, the page says so rather than guessing. Spotted something out of date? See our corrections policy.
- Samaritans: how to support someone you're worried about — signs someone may be struggling; triggers; immediate danger (accessed 30 September 2026)
- Samaritans: myths about suicide — asking about suicide can protect; most people who feel suicidal want the situation or feeling to stop (accessed 30 September 2026)
- Samaritans: supporting someone with suicidal thoughts — take them seriously; you don't have to solve their problems; 999 for immediate danger (accessed 30 September 2026)
- Samaritans: creating a safety plan — what a safety plan includes; the person owns it (accessed 30 September 2026)
- Samaritans: looking after yourself — rest, boundaries, own support, wider network (accessed 30 September 2026)
- Samaritans (Manchester branch): SHUSH listening tips — SHUSH; listening without advising or solving (accessed 30 September 2026)
- NHS: help for suicidal thoughts — open questions; listening without judgement; 999 or A&E (accessed 30 September 2026)
- NHS: where to get urgent help for mental health — 999 or A&E if life is at risk; 111 mental health option (accessed 30 September 2026)
- Police Care UK: common symptoms of harm — psychological and physical signs of harm from policing (accessed 30 September 2026)
- Police Federation: AskTwice — ask twice if you are not convinced by the answer (accessed 30 September 2026)
- Zero Suicide Alliance: suicide awareness training — free, 16 and over, at least 30 minutes (accessed 30 September 2026)
- Oscar Kilo: psychological and trauma risk management — HEART guidance; supervisor and peer debriefing learning (accessed 30 September 2026)
- Oscar Kilo: peer support for wellbeing — confidential process; how to find peer supporters (accessed 30 September 2026)
- Home Office: statutory guidance on professional standards, performance and integrity (February 2020) — 5.20 to 5.22 (suspension), 5.51 to 5.54 (duty of care, line managers), 19.11 to 19.15 and 19.39 (contact, OH, return) (accessed 30 September 2026)
- Police (Conduct) Regulations 2020, Schedule 2 — Standards: challenging and reporting improper conduct; confidentiality; fitness for duty (accessed 30 September 2026)
- Health and Safety at Work etc. Act 1974, sections 2, 7 and 51A — who owes the duty of care; individual duty of reasonable care (accessed 30 September 2026)
- Oscar Kilo: Mental Health Crisis Line — who can call; confidentiality (accessed 30 September 2026)
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Disclaimer
PolicePay.co.uk is an independent reference site. It is not a health, counselling or legal service, and this page is general information, not medical, psychological or legal advice. It cannot consider your personal circumstances. If you are struggling, speak to your GP, a qualified professional or one of the services listed on this page. If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 999. Details apply to England and Wales unless stated. Details are as checked on 30 September 2026.